Could I credit Keto with saving my marriage?
I know, I know! This sounds really sensational. But sometimes that’s what I think.
Back when we first had our daughter, our marriage really suffered! With a high needs baby who wanted to nurse all the time, I had no time to get anything done. I wasn’t sleeping. I didn’t have help. I was miserable.
My husband, without me bringing in an income, had all the financial responsibilities. Plus, he was working out of town, away from us. On one job that lasted for a few months, he would come home for less than 24 hours a week. I know how hard that must have been for him.
Then, sadly, he got laid off, meaning for (I believe) two months he was trying to do whatever he could to make some money. Those months are honestly a blur in my memory in terms of the specifics, but the emotions I felt are tangible in my memory.
In our individual states of distress, we blamed the other.
We had a hard time empathizing, and our marriage suffered. There simply wasn’t time for us to spend together or bond.
He thought I was being lazy. I thought his ADHD symptoms were out of control and that he was wasting time on fruitless efforts.
And there in those moments, I didn’t know if we’d make it. In my ear, I had good-intentioned people telling me to and how to leave him. Those people didn’t help.
Finally, sometime after her first birthday, probably around Christmas of 2017, we had a bares-all argument! I was crying; he was listening. And I finally told him, and I remember these words so vividly, “you cannot keep blaming me for everything.”
And he had been. He was trying to work on learning computer programming, but said he couldn’t focus with me in the house. I talked too much. I was too needy. He didn’t feel well. I should learn about nutrition and do a better job cooking.
I blamed him. He wouldn’t keep our daughter at all so I could have some moments to myself or to sleep. All he did was criticize me. Didn’t he see how much I was struggling!
We both were so exhausted and overwhelmed that we couldn’t help each other.
Then, something clicked. When he saw how fatigued I was, how hopeless I felt about our marriage, he decided to make a change. I had told him to stop blaming me, so he finally did stop.
He made the effort to save our marriage. He took the lead.
First, he came to me with a list of symptoms of ADHD, asking if I thought they sounded like him. They did.
He went to our primary physician and got put on some medication. The medication helped.
He purchased Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life book and had us do the comprehensive personality test. We took it together, discussing ourselves, working to understand how the other operated. We started to see where some of our disagreements stemmed from, where our perspectives differed. He even started working on Peterson’s Past and Future Self-Authoring program.
He made the time for us spend time together as husband and wife, and that time together helped some. We were slowly reconnecting.
Then our daughter started nursing less and sleeping more. I finally got some energy and time back. I was able to sleep in longer spurts and could finally feel less bitter and angry.
I felt, for the first time since her birth, some hope for our marriage.
Then, he came home from work in early April and announced we’d go Keto. My initial response was to rebel (we discovered through that personality test that I’m a highly disagreeable person), but I actively chose to be supportive, to do this with him. It was not an easy choice to make, and I fought my immediate feelings. Thank God I did!
And I learned more about Keto on my own. I sought out information. I found another way he and I could share an interest.
Then, I, quite quickly, found my way in the kitchen and cooked us delicious meals I could feel happy about.
Next, the most amazing thing happened, we both started feeling better. His intense irritability almost disappeared with low-carb, I had more energy to tackle my responsibilities, and he was able to get off his ADHD medication.
Then, we both started prioritizing our life. We found ways to move about our lives in a way that enriched both of us. With us both feeling happier, it was so much easier to communicate without placing blame. It was easier for us to find activities to do as a family to encourage that bond. It was easier to try to make the other happy in little ways.
I stopped watching t.v., and he found a way to distance himself from his previous attachment to comic books. We slowly stopped allowing certain things to drag us down and eat up our time.
More than ever, we became conscious of the toxic people in our lives, as well as the ways we had been toxic.
Now, I have an incredibly fit and attractive husband who manages his time betterand who now relishes his time with us.
I have more energy to truly appreciate the fact that I’m able to be home with our daughter, take her on outings, and keep up with the to-do list.
And I’ve found a new love in nurturing my family. There’s a new joy I find in coming up with meal plans, grocery shopping, and cooking. Through Keto, it seems I have finally found a way to embrace being a stay-at-home parent.
And while we still have financial worries and external stresses, a Keto diet has enabled us to handle them better than ever before. We can still find happiness even in a less-than-ideal situations. This is something I have never been able to do before!
We finally have found that necessary respect and admiration to fully love one another again.
I just wonder how much better we could have been in that year following our daughter’s birth had we been eating Keto back then?
As I told a former co-worker several weeks ago, I thought I had married an asshole, but it was just the carbs.